A Love Story

Where do I begin . . .

We are happy to, finally, present Nathanael Enoch.  I was so very ready to have him and he has been heavenly.  Literally.  He is a piece of heaven in our home and we all adore him.  I feel old and weak but my strength is returning as is the amount of time I can spend with my other children and life is becoming a beautiful thing as I am surrounded by people who are depending on me and loving me and giving me the most rewarding experiences as I nurture and love them.

There is no better way to see how valued you are then to step out of your life and observe the effects on those around you.  Just ask George Bailey.  Being unable to take care of my home and family the last few weeks before Nathan was born and the last two months after has taught me just how much my family needs me!  Somehow it is easier to clean the house now when I know how we feel when it is cluttered.  Somehow it is easier to stop what I am doing to read books or lie on a blanket and look into my babies eyes knowing how much my children need me.  I have never felt so much joy in cleaning, cooking, and cuddling as I do now, not having been able to do it for months.  And Josh.  Josh deserves something amazing for the months of being Mr. Mom against his will.

Having this baby was so exciting! 

The day before he was born I went into the doctor's office for a check up and asked them to strip my membranes.  I was so DONE being pregnant.  I get to where the only thing I recognize in the mirror is my teeth, and even they are too yellow.  I immediately regretted the procedure!  It hurt so badly I thought I was in labor and it turns out I was!  I drove myself home from the doctor, made chicken and wild rice soup, and tried to get relax through the pain.  I walked up to the mailbox with the kids and watched a movie with Josh after dinner, all the time regretting the seemingly unnecessary pain I had brought upon myself.  But, at 3 a.m. I woke up and was still cramping hard.  After walking around the house for 10 minutes I knew I was in labor.

We called our neighbor and visiting teacher who was over here in a heartbeat to stay with the kids.  Josh made himself a PB&J sandwich to throw in the hospital bag and we were on our way.  Nervous.  Excited.  Scared.  Relieved.  I wanted to be delivered from the burden of being pregnant and knew the only way out was to give birth. 

It was an almost full moon as we drove over the big hill on the way to the nearby hospital.  Everything looked so peaceful.  All those people sleeping in their beds and our lives were changing.  We called our parents to let them know it had begun and were soon at the hospital. 

I was able to walk into the labor and delivery, a big improvement from last time, and tell them many, many times that I wanted an epidural and I wanted it fast.  I have now had a c-section, an natural birth, and an epidural.  God has been good to us with the invention of the epidural.  With Anna there hadn't been enough time go get one and I spent 6 hours in lonely pain, unable to communicate because of the pain.  This time all I could feel was a cold sensation when more of the medication went into my back and there was a tiny triangle in my belly where I could still feel the contractions, but mildly.  Just enough to be aware of them and, later, to push with them.

It was amazing to feel so calm and be so present in labor.  I was able to ask the nurses questions and make decisions about my care.  I was able to talk to Josh and to relax with some music.  I lay there for two hours as I labored down and the baby moved closer and closer to birth.  My water still had not broken so we just let it stay until the very end and it cushioned the baby.  After I felt rested enough I decided to start pushing.  It was only about 10 minutes, maybe less, I already forget!, but it was so painless it felt unreal.

I felt the presence of the Holy Ghost so strongly reassuring me of my Savior's love for me.  I understood why He loves us.  Because He sacrificed for us to give us something we couldn't have any other way.  He had anxiety and hoped there was a way out "Let this cup pass from me" but endured the unimaginable for us.  I wept.  He loves me.  I understand a little better and I want to share that with the world, starting with my Laurel class. 

I felt Nathan close.  I felt his gratitude for my sacrifice bringing him into the world.  And then, I saw him..  My miraculous baby Nathanael.  His name means "God has given."  And He has.   

Most of the pictures are on Josh's phone but here's a sampling of the last two months.  

Introductions were made.  Monkey, Nathan.  Nathan, Monkey.

A lot of time was spent watching t.v. and bonding with siblings. The kids inspected him from head to toe the first time I set him down at home.  Then we all had a lesson on hand washing, being gentle and keeping small objects away from the baby.  Many times. 

Friends from church took good care of us.  Josh took two weeks off work and nearly lost his mind taking care of needy kids whose mother was suddenly out of commission.  

 Time passed.  I sat and nursed him around the clock and he grew!

After 3 weeks the cavalry arrived.  Mom cooked and did laundry all day long.  Dad did dishes, read stories, and took the kids to the grocery store with him.  They were here 2 1/2 weeks and left me feeling rested and sane.  A big improvement over how I felt when they arrived!

He had to wear those socks on his hands, his boxing gloves, because the touch of his hands on his face woke him up and confused him while nursing. 

This one is out of order.  He was only 2 weeks old and started smiling at me.  It wasn't gas.  It was love!!!

 

And now he is even more adorable and sleeping up to 8 hour stretches at night, like right now when I should be in bed.  

 

Amazingly, I am getting back on top of things so that life is a little more predictable and enjoyable.  Today there were no errands or chores, we're still on an as-needed basis for both, and I sat with my kids and we laughed.  They are silly and smart and I love them.  All FOUR of them!   

 

After eight years of infertility, I have to declare "God has given" and try to raise them with His help.  

Now the real adventures begin!