I think about things like this every so often but I try not to because then I feel like a spoiled, ungrateful child. But, I've thought about writing a book called "Confessions of a Mother of Twins" and including things like this in it:
Tonight one of the boys (we won't use names) has a fever - wipe your tear away and continue reading. The other boy got treated to dinner alone with mom and dad. I haven't had such a relaxing meal since they were born. Seriously, is that what all of you parents of singletons experienced with your first? A quiet dinner with actual conversation between husband and wife and loving looks and occasional input from your adorable child? Without two to prevent from falling out of their chairs or spilling their food all over the carpet we hardly knew what to do with ourselves. In fact, a child who normally constantly tests our limits and patience was a total delight.
We had Teddy G*rahams for dessert, dipping their tiny heads into glasses of milk before decapitating them with our teeth. Then Josh got out his guitar and I felt a tap on my leg as I did the dishes. My boy wanted to dance with me while Josh played the guitar. All of this took place by the glow of twilight due to the onset of Daylight Savings Time. We read the scriptures together, read a story together, sang a song, then Josh and I didn't know what to do. We usually each take one boy to put down but tonight neither one of us wanted to leave and let the other one put the him to bed. So I left, Josh sang him some songs and then he asked me to come in and I sang him a couple more.
I said, "We had a nice night together, didn't we?" And he replied, "Yeah. I go to bed now." It was as easy as that.
I think I actually tasted my dinner tonight. I didn't feel the need to relax tonight with TV and a treat because I was already relaxed! I am so grateful that I have two children and that they are out of infancy, feeding themselves and generally entertaining themselves for long periods of time, but every time I get a taste of what it's like to have just one child to take to the grocery store and fit them into the cart instead of piling stuff into the stroller basket, to have just one child to read a story to, just one to chase down in a parking lot, just one to talk to during dinner, I just about die.
We are thinking about when to try to have another baby. For us that means planning at least 3 months ahead of when I would actually want to get pregnant, researching facilities' success rates, and saving up or taking out loans. It means a chance of having twins again and a chance that it won't work at all. I would have twins again and be happy to have the children any way I can get them, but after nights like tonight I really hope to experience having just one at a time.
Am I allowed to say that? Will I have to delete this from the hard record so my boys never see it and never doubt my love and gratitude for them? They are each so precious, so special, so adorable that sometimes it hurts I love them so much. They have my heart wrapped around their little fingers and I wouldn't want it any other way. So, I don't want them to think they ever caused me any unpleasantness, but, um, sometimes they do. What do you think?
Soccer Practice
9 comments:
Kristina you are so cute!! I don't think you should feel bad at all!! They know how much you love them and always will. I think its great that you had a wonderful night with just one of them. It's funny that it was so peaceful for you because us mothers with only one feel super stressed with just one and cannot even fathom what it would be like with two. You are an amazing woman and mother to be able to love and care for them both as you do, they are the luckiest little guys in the world to have you as their mother. Oh yeah, I got your message... thanks so much for thinking of me today and also for sending us those links of housing in your area. I appreciate all you and josh do for us, we are so grateful for you guys. I hope more than anything that we can move their and have our little boys grow up best buds. That would be awesome!! Love you and thanks again!
Kristina, I love reading everything you write! First of all, you're such a good writer...but most of all, the entries are so poignant, so honest and sweet. What lucky boys to have you as their mother. We love all of you so very much!
On the very few occasions that I experience one of my children alone I enjoy motherhood so much more. Who knew my son was so much fun and so interesting? Who knew my daughter could actually shop without throwing a fit? Who knew the other one had so many insightful things to say? I don't just feel this way about my twins--I feel this way about all four of them. It's just a heck of a lot easier when there aren't power struggles for your attention. So don't worry about the way you feel. (Although--having a singleton after having twins is CAKE!!!!!!!)
They will read what you have written as parents someday and totally understand. You are such a sweet and loving parent and I don't think anyone doubts for one second how you love and dote on your boys. It really isn't fair to have twins right off the bat...everyone should have access to that memory of "remember how easy it was when we just had one?" But someday your thoughts will be "remember how easy it was when we just had two?" Oh, the world needs more adorable Rolphs/Oscarsons!!
You are so allowed to say everything you said. I totally agree, and it's true... people who have a singleton just are spoiled--without even knowing it--and many of them even say that they wish they had twins! Can you believe that? Anyway, I am so looking forward to only having to hold ONE BABY this summer. It should be a piece of cake--just like Lindsay said!
since you already have a kid (s) there is no way you will ever get a peaceful dinner in when there is another baby born! there, i said it ;)
the little man must have just known that is was a special night, or maybe he is an angel!
and i think that you are probably the best mom to those two, they are lucky!
We would know you were absolutely lying if you said having twins was a walk through the park every day! I always say that being a mother is BY FAR the hardest, most demanding, most difficult job I've ever had. It tests me mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And I'm so grateful to have other mothers to share the joys and successes and frustrations with. It is so rewarding because we work so hard and sacrifice so much. Enjoy those quiet moments! And thank you for your beautiful post!
Do not ever delete this post! Your boys will always know how VERY very much you love them. But it will be very important for them to understand what you have been through as their mother. This kind of honesty is a GIFT! They will love you (more) for it.
Kristina, you are SUCH a good mother to your boys! You do so much for them and you're always working so hard. They'll know you love them so much no matter what. And I don't think that thinking about this occasionally makes you at all ungrateful. You know you love your boys and are grateful for them--you're just human and you get worn out, too. I'm glad you got to have a night where you actually felt relaxed and got to give one of them special attention!
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